4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
