I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
