The best revenge is premature balding
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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