I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
