We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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