Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
