I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
