I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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