dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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