I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
