Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
