standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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