The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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