When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
