I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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