I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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