so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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