The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
