i can't believe i had my finger in that
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
