dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
