My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
