I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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