Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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