the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
