she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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