Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So many bounce houses so little time
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
