Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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