I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
