I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
