New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
