um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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