i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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