They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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