The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
