my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
