I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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