Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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