Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
