I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
