M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
