Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
