i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
