The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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