Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
