what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
