So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
