Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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