I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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