Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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