You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
