How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
