Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
